Self Esteem's Lasting Effects. . .

Today my burden is heavy and I am not sure if I can even write this post. I especially don't know if I can post it.  Ever have one of those times that for a brief moment the Lord allows you to have a glimpse of more than your eyes can normally see? Well, that happened to me yesterday. God allowed me to see a picture of how my lack of self-esteem is effecting current relationships (especially my marriage).  I have known since I was an early teen that self-esteem was an issue. Actually, before that but that is when I had a name for it.  So many things happened or didn't happen that contributed.  Little by little my self-esteem became chipped away as I became molded into the woman that I am today.  Some things were done by others and some by myself in order to try make things better.

I started early on trying to find ways to fill the holes. They don't fill so easily.  I picture it as each self-esteem blow leaving a gaping hole in which I promptly filled with a new outfit or a new boyfriend, etc, etc.  But since the human body is flexible, grows, moves and changes nothing stuck. Each fell by the wayside.  In fact, I have discovered over time that only our Lord and Savior is able to fill in the holes and make me complete.

Now all that is well and good. Honestly, it is nothing new as I have known that for a long time.  As I am sure you know, often we know the answer without knowing how to get there.  But now I feel like God took my blinders off a bit. He allowed me to see how even today (or especially today) my lack of self-esteem is effecting every relationship that I own part of.  It was humbling to see.  It brought to light a truth. . . I need His healing in this area.  No matter how much growth there has been. No matter how much I have felt His presence.  There is still much more work to be done.  The Lord has been merciful enough to give me the opportunity to deal with this before it causes more hurt and destruction.  The next problem that began to overwhelm me is not having any idea how to fix it.  When that is the case then the Bible is the only place to turn.  He is a partial list of some verses I found.  I hope you will work through them with me. Please, I beg of you to let these Bible verses wash over you anew and speak to you.

Psalm 139:13-14 -"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."
Praise God that I can be assured that He created me according to His will!
 

Song of Solomon 4:7- "You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you."

What sweet words of adoration the Lord speaks over each of us.
 

1 Samuel 16:7- "But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”  

This reminds me that whatever weakness or shortcoming I perceive is inconsequential for the Lord has a plan that exceeds human perception. He sees my heart and that should be my only concern. 
 

Genesis 1:27- "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

God created me in His image!

1 John 3:1- "See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him."

I am a child of the Most High God! As such, I cannot be valued by the world's standard for the world did not even know Jesus. They persecuted Him.
 

Jeremiah 29:11- "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

I am on earth at this point in time because He has a plan just for me.  

Ephesians 2:10- "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." 

Again, I must continually look to Him for the work He has prepared for me.

Joshua 1:9- "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”  

When my weaknesses standout, this is my verse. He is always with me. I can stand on His courage and strength.
 

James 4:6- "But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

Thank you Lord for grace. It is exponentially more than I deserve or could ask.  Please help me stay humble before you.
 

Psalm 145:18- "The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." 

Thank you Father for never giving up on me but always being there when I call. How amazing that the God of the universe is ALWAYS there when I call. 
 

Psalm 46:10- “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”  

My favorite verse! I don't have to fix anything on my own. Just be still and remember who I serve. Daddy will take care of everything.

And finally, I ask in prayer that the Lord "God himself, the God of peace, sanctify me through and through. May my whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." 

I am sorry if this post was a bit of a ramble or not helpful, but it was very important for me to write.  Even at this point, I feel so much more free.I hope it has helped at least one other person.  When your husband or children say something hurtful, remember these verses.  Filter the words and action through these verses before responding. Allow those you love to only be responsible for the current issue and not every issue you have ever dealt with in your life.  After all, when I make a mistake regarding my husband I certainly hope I won't be blamed at that point for every hurt he has ever experienced. It is a price which I could never pay in full.  So how can I ask those around me to pay in full (for every loss of self-esteem) when they blunder.  It is not fair to them or our relationship and it is an impossible price for them to pay.

I fully understand that this is a battle fought on my knees and the enemy will hate the victory. So be sure if you are fighting this battle also that you put on the Armour of God.  We will need it. But and this is big but. . . God is the victor! The end has already been written!!! All we need do is go before Him with humility allowing Him to show us each step. Praise God for His Living Breathing Word!