The Yuckier Side of Life

I remember so clearly thinking I was pretty much invincible.  Young strong and many years of young and strong ahead of me.  A good many years back I dealt with Endometriosis (Stage 4) ending in a complete hysterectomy. Otherwise, I have always enjoyed good health.  About a year ago that began to change. First I was just tired and than it began to hurt to sit (I thought it was a previous little hip injury).  My lower back hurt but it radiated down my legs.  Unfortunately, it has not been short lived. A year later symptoms have progressed and I still don't know the cause.  Here is my current list:

• Fatigue - It is not uncommon for it to hit a few minutes out of bed.  I often feel like it is stealing my life.


• Overall pain and soreness. I think this is muscle but not sure. I know that sounds odd but I am too tired to figure it out. LOL


• Joint stiffness and sometimes pain. This primarily in my hands, feet, legs, hips, and sometimes shoulders.


• Inflammation everywhere. 


• Dry mouth and eyes.


• Strange rash on lower legs that seems to become much more noticeable with heat (ie: sun or warm bath).

Looking at me. . .I don't look sick.  But I definitely am.  It has in many ways halted my life.  I don't sign up for stuff at church or commit to do much of anything for fear I won't be able to do it. I don't call friends because I don't want it to be a call about what is currently ailing me.  I hate being the sick one. It suits me better to serve the sick one and pray for the sick one.  Next time you ever tell someone you will pray but then quickly forget your promise, remember that it may next time be you.  Pour your heart out to our God who answers all our prayers. That person you promised is counting on you.

What to do about it. . . Well, I am getting ready to go see the second Rheumatologist.  So far pretty much all of my blood work has been normal.  Vitamin D was critically low some time back.  I had a spinal MRI that showed arthritis in my lower back.  Now I am pretty much at a loss.  I just wait for someone to notice that little detail that makes them say " a ha"! Just take this and get on with life! LOL!

So all of this yucky stuff is one reason I caved in to doing this blog.  This gives me a chance to share without burdening family or friends.  Perhaps no one will read the blog especially if there are many whine fest days like today but that is okay too. I am not really writing so someone will read. I am writing because I must!

So the first day I told you about my faith and lest you think it means any less due to being sick. . .I must comment on that.  How has being sick changed my view of Christ being in control? NOT AT ALL! At least not in the way you might suspect.  It has definitely changed me.  Things that once got me in tither. . .don't any more.  I see things more clearly in some ways.  The things of this world are passing.  It is but a short time.  (note to self: It is but a short time. HA).  Nothing in this day took God by surprise.  He knew every detail always and forever.  The Bible also says "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (Rom 8.28).  Not that it always comes easy but Christ said. . . "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor 12.9-10)

It just makes me want to burst out in song and that my dear friend. . .you do not want to hear.  Good thing you are reading this and not hearing it. LOL Thank you Father that you are enough for even the worst of days or situations.  I love you so!